Linggo, Setyembre 23, 2018

This is a confession.

My prayer life is a mess. I've been inconsistent with my daily devotions.


How is this a problem?


Prayer and studying the bible is a key component of growing my relationship with Jesus. Consistency is the key. However, I am no longer doing it religiously.


I want desperately to know God better. I want to be consistent. Right now the only consistency in my life is my inconsistency. (Yaconelli, 2002)

I'm quoting this from a book called Messy spirituality. I feel the same. I found myself in this author's words. I feel like this guy's confession is mine too.

"Who I want to be and who I am are not very close together. I don’t want to be St. John of the Cross or Billy Graham. I just want to be remembered as a person who loved God, who served others more than he served himself, who was trying to grow in maturity and stability." (Yaconelli, 2002)

Huwebes, Setyembre 13, 2018

MALAYANG PAGTATANONG. ISANG TALUDTURAN.

PAKALMAHIN ANG SARILI. WAG MAGPADALA SA BUGSO NG DAMDAMIN.

MALAMANG AY MASAMA DIN ANG LOOB NYA AT HINDI PA SYA HANDANG MAKIPAG USAP.

HUWAG UNAHIN ANG SARILING GUSTO, LALONG HINDI LANG KAYO MAGKAKAAYOS.

PERO ANO NGA BA ANG SUKDULAN NG PAG-IBIG?

GANITO BA DAPAT O KAILANGAN ISAALANG-ALANG ANG KAHIBANGAN KO?

NAKAKAPAGOD MAG ISIP. AYOKO NA.

GUSTO KO NALANG IHIGA ITO, ITULOG.

IBALING ANG PAG IISIP SA IBA PANG MGA IMPORTANTENG BAGAY.


AT MULI, INIIWASAN KONG BANG MARESOLBA ANG PROBLEMA?

AKO LANG BA O KAMING DALAWA?

AKO MAN ANG NAG UMPISA NG APOY PARA MAG AWAY, AKO LANG BA ANG MAY KASALANAN?

MAS IMPORTANTE BANG MALAMAN KUNG SINO ANG NAGKAMALI AT MAY PAG KUKULANG PARA MAAYOS ANG PROBLEMA O AND AMININ NA AKO AY MAY PAGKAKAMALI AT HUMIHINGI NG TAWAD?

MAAYOS BA NG PAG HINGI NG KAPATAWARAN ANG PROBLEMA?

OO.

ITO ANG SAGOT KO NGUNIT...

ANG PAG HINGI BA NG TAWAD ANG MAGPAPABABAGO NG PAGKILOS PARA MAIWASAN NANG MAULIT ANG NAGING SANHI NG PROBLEMA?


TIGNAN ANG SARILI, SUNDAN ANG MGA BAKAS NG PAG UUGALI. SIGURADO AKO SA SARILING MAY DAPAT AYUSIN AT BAGUHIN.


INIISIP KO KUNG GAANO ITO BA ITO KADALAS? NAGING BAHAGI NA BA ITO NG AKING SARILI?

MAAALIS KO BA ITO?

KAILAN KO MABUBURA ANG PAGIGING MAGAGALITIN, MAINISIN, AT KAWALAN NG PANG UNAWA?

MAY MAS MALALIM BA ITONG UGAT? DAPAT BANG ISISI ANG LAHAT SA KEMIKAL NA INILALABAS NG UTAK?

EHERSISYO. PAGPAPALIT NG PAGKAIN. PAG IISIP NG MAGANDANG MGA BAGAY. LAHAT ITO NAGAWA KO NA.

PERO HINDI PA DIN NA RERESOLBA ANG SARILING MULTO.

PAANO BA?

MAAAYOS KO BA ITO NG MAG-ISA O KAILANGAN KO DIN NG TULONG NYA?

SA LAHAT BA NG PAGKAKATAON AY AKO LANG AKO MAG AAYOS SA SARILI KO O DAPAT KO DIN IKONSIDERA NA MAY BAHAGI DIN SYA SA LAHAT NG ITO.

TAMA NA ANG PAG IISIP. NAKAKAGOD. NAKAKAWALA NG LAKAS.

ALAS NUEBE PALANG NG UMAGA, MAHABA PA ANG ARAW. TAMA NA ITO.


Miyerkules, Setyembre 12, 2018

Martes, Hulyo 31, 2018

This is a leap of faith

I wanted to take a leap of faith. This is going to be uncomfortable, but I am sure that there is growth there.

It's been more than a year now since I stayed at home and started freelancing. I never thought that I could extend for another seven months working at home. In my prayer, I plead to God that He would sustain me until the end of 2017 and He did because He is faithful.

Biyernes, Mayo 18, 2018

Jomalig Experience with cousins

It was 8 years ago since I traveled out of town with my cousins. This is our throwback photo from our Bicol trip from 2010.


Kuya Mac is my cousin wearing the red shirt told me once that we will travel the Philippines together by the time we are all working professionals. I have been working for more than 3 years now and it finally comes true!

I brought along my brother, Jonis. Kuya Mac brought his brother too!




My brother Jonis. He is an aspiring photographer too. 

Here are his sample shots







Jomalig is a great place to enjoy. The best way to explore the whole island is through habal-habal



Huwebes, Disyembre 28, 2017

Making my days count

I've been very lazy updating my blog. I felt like there's plenty of time wasted this 2017 because I choose the slack, the bed, and the freaking Netflix and chill. Well, easier said than done but I plan and goal that my next year would be entirely different.

I only look forward to a major leisure travel with friends but planning not to get any more trips for the rest of the year. Why? I need to have a savings goal. I need to push myself to SAVE and INVEST.

I'm turning 24 this year and I felt like I haven't done anything big yet.

I feel deep in my soul that dissatisfaction in life. Perhaps, it is that one thing connected to my very core, to my very soul. I missed running and chasing after Jesus. I'd be honest, this year was a slack for my spiritual life. I've been chasing after the life I dream to have while I set aside the LIFE itself.

Linggo, Hunyo 11, 2017

I'm not going to marry

I'm not marrying anyone at this point of time. I do have a boyfriend and I pray that we are heading towards marriage, but not too soon, not now.

Is it because I'm unsure of him? No. Surely, he has been everything I wanted to grow old with for the rest of my entire life.

Is it because we're not financially capable yet? No. We are capable. But we wanted better lives for each other instead of settling down for what we currently have.

Is it because we're immature? No. As we progress, God brings out the maturity we need for each season. He has his battles and I have mine. We draw strength in the Lord. He forms our character, we grow in maturity and more so when we settle down.

Is it because we're not ready yet? No. This relationship prepares us for lifetime commitment. When I said yes to my boyfriend, I also said yes to God- to love this person unconditionally and to love him the way Jesus loves me. It's not an easy thing to do, but it makes us ready to accept each other for who we are. Set aside the romantic vibes, for everyday is a decision to be committed in this relationship no matter what.

Is it because of the time? Yes. It's not yet the time. In due time, I believe that God would give his signal when to settle down. This season is the best time to serve God fully, to be all out and to maximize both our season for His glory. We don't want to get ahead of ourselves. There are more tasks to do and we don't want to miss it.

What made me write about this? It's because one of our young people at church ask us both, "ate, kuya minsan ko lang kayo makita magkasama tas di pa kayo magkatabi"

The boyfriend replied, "we're not the typical type of couple..."

I would agree. We're not the typical type of romantic boyfriend and girlfriend who says sweet words at each other. We're not the 24/7  calling, texting and seeing each other. We're not going out of days like most couples do, we seldom do it. We're not public display of affection type, to be honest, we haven't even kissed yet. (Seriously? Yes, seriously) We're just guarding ourselves. I believe it's worth saving and it has its perfect season to be clingy and to be physically attached. (Extreme? Yes u can call that, but if it honors God, why not- right?)

I realize that we're kinda unique. Our ways of expressing love and concern to one another is not as the same as everyone. As a woman, I battled against comparison of the why's and the what if's of being in relationship. I dream of having someone who is clingy and sweet but that's not actually what I needed
 When I gave God the pen to write my lobe story, I did not expect it to be like this. It's not sweet, nor bitter. It's pretty much the reality of loving someone the way Jesus loves me- without condition. I learned my boyfriend's way of expressing his love language. Truly, we are completely opposite yet we compliment each other.

I am not a perfect partner. I have short comings and failures but I thank God for sustaining me. This is a cord of three. God is in the middle. At most times I would rant to God about my relationship and how I struggle but the more I pray, the more God showed me his unrelenting love. I did not expect to discover that in such a manner.

God design marriage, he is the author of it. God created woman to be man's suitable helper. Jesus commanded the woman to submit to his husband and the man to love his wife just as Christ love the Church.

I gave a word to my boyfriend in our current season. It is "right now, do what we ought to do for the glory of God,  we have the rest of our lives to be together."


I pray that God would sustain our relationship. Less drama and more of Him. Less of ourselves and more of God.

Biyernes, Hunyo 9, 2017

I love you at your darkest

I'm a victim of self-inflicted pain. I overthink. I hurt myself with thoughts that are not actually true. I press on lies back and forth in my heart and mind. I kept playing it like a music. It made me sad, angry, dissatisfied, longing, bitter, jealous and hurt. I was lamenting at remnants of my previous joy and victory. 'This is not the place where I wanted to be.' I said to myself.

In my dark days at my most unlovable state, I remember Christ. How did he manage to love someone like me? How did he manage to die for someone like me and allow me to live in the light of his glory? Do I deserve this? Certainly not, yet he reached out and pursued me even if I tore his hearts many times with my foolish ways, unfaithfulness and stubborn heart.

I thought, maybe I'm a modern Israelite. The Lord is on my lips but far from my heart. I followed the stubborn ways of my heart. For many times, I forgot the LORD my God and ran after many idols that I thought could surpass Him. I was so foolish.

In my dark days at my most lost state, I remember Christ. How did he manage to run after me and save me from the pit of destruction and death? He reminded me of the victory finished on the cross. He is sovereign over sin. He is the Almighty God and no one is above him. He is the Alpha and Omega, my beginning and end. Jesus is my hope. Jesus is my 'go, get up, and live'. Jesus is my chance. Jesus is serious about saving me, many times.

And I thought, wow. I know there's more that my Jesus has in store for me. My friends should know Him too. My brothers should experience Him too. People around me should taste and see what the Lord has done.

I mean, as I receive and continuously experiencing His goodness, grace, compassion, forgiveness, unconditional and unrelenting love, I wanted to be that channel. FOR A LONG TIME NOW, I THIS IS WHEN I'M GOING TO SAY THIS AGAIN- I WANTED TO BE LIKE JESUS. I WANT TO LOVE, LIKE HIM. I WANTED TO BE LIKE HIM. I WANTED PEOPLE TO EXPERIENCE WHAT THE INTIMACY WITH HIM. I WANT TO WITNESS HEALING AND RESTORATION.

MY PRAYER IS TO BE LIKE HIM, EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD. BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, IT IS A HARD WORK AND CAN ONLY BE DONE ALL BY HIS GRACE.

Huwebes, Mayo 4, 2017

When God talks back ASAP

Have you ever had that experience when you utter a prayer and got an instant response from God through the bible? I just had that tonight, after a long time. I simply prayed tonight with all my heart and with all honesty. I utter words of humility to God and literally said everything I went through the whole day. I blurted worries, thoughts, fears and simply just all I could think of while in prayer. I prayed for sustainability and direction in life, career, relationship, family, and ministry.

You know what, this is what God told me in Isaiah 46:4

Miyerkules, Mayo 3, 2017

How could life be frustrating for a 23-year-old?

It is normal to get frustrated. We all had those moments! My adulthood just nearly started, I mean it took a while to sink in all the responsibilities and the realities of life. I ain't kid anymore. Life just gets tougher and we just need to grow ourselves to be tough too! You and I are still in the phase of adulting and there are life tests that we must surpass. This is for those 23-year-old out there!