Biyernes, Hunyo 9, 2017

I love you at your darkest

I'm a victim of self-inflicted pain. I overthink. I hurt myself with thoughts that are not actually true. I press on lies back and forth in my heart and mind. I kept playing it like a music. It made me sad, angry, dissatisfied, longing, bitter, jealous and hurt. I was lamenting at remnants of my previous joy and victory. 'This is not the place where I wanted to be.' I said to myself.

In my dark days at my most unlovable state, I remember Christ. How did he manage to love someone like me? How did he manage to die for someone like me and allow me to live in the light of his glory? Do I deserve this? Certainly not, yet he reached out and pursued me even if I tore his hearts many times with my foolish ways, unfaithfulness and stubborn heart.

I thought, maybe I'm a modern Israelite. The Lord is on my lips but far from my heart. I followed the stubborn ways of my heart. For many times, I forgot the LORD my God and ran after many idols that I thought could surpass Him. I was so foolish.

In my dark days at my most lost state, I remember Christ. How did he manage to run after me and save me from the pit of destruction and death? He reminded me of the victory finished on the cross. He is sovereign over sin. He is the Almighty God and no one is above him. He is the Alpha and Omega, my beginning and end. Jesus is my hope. Jesus is my 'go, get up, and live'. Jesus is my chance. Jesus is serious about saving me, many times.

And I thought, wow. I know there's more that my Jesus has in store for me. My friends should know Him too. My brothers should experience Him too. People around me should taste and see what the Lord has done.

I mean, as I receive and continuously experiencing His goodness, grace, compassion, forgiveness, unconditional and unrelenting love, I wanted to be that channel. FOR A LONG TIME NOW, I THIS IS WHEN I'M GOING TO SAY THIS AGAIN- I WANTED TO BE LIKE JESUS. I WANT TO LOVE, LIKE HIM. I WANTED TO BE LIKE HIM. I WANTED PEOPLE TO EXPERIENCE WHAT THE INTIMACY WITH HIM. I WANT TO WITNESS HEALING AND RESTORATION.

MY PRAYER IS TO BE LIKE HIM, EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD. BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, IT IS A HARD WORK AND CAN ONLY BE DONE ALL BY HIS GRACE.

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